Week Twelve: Divorce, Remarriage, and Aging Families

This can be a topic that hits close to the heart for some people.  I personally come from a family where my parents are divorced and both have since remarried.  In this post I want to not only give some of my personal thoughts and feelings about divorce and remarriage, but also a little bit of history and research information.


Prior to the late 1960s, divorces were very hard to have and were usually only given if there was a severe case of physical abuse, serious neglect, and in come cases of adultery.  However, in 1968 a no-fault divorce act was passed which allowed a divorce to be given regardless of evidence or motives for the splitting of the marriage.  There was a steep incline in divorces from the late 1960s to 1980s, but the rates have since leveled off, and in fact are showing some signs of decline.  Some states are now offering what they call "covenant marriages" instead of a "regular contract marriage" that promotes greater commitment and makes a divorce more difficult to obtain.  This may sound similar to a temple sealing/marriage, but their is one unique distinction.  A state covenant marriage is a covenant and promise between husband and wife, or two people, whereas a temple marriage/sealing is both the husband and wife covenanting with God, or between man/woman and God, about their obligations to their spouse.

Now, even with covenants between man and man or God and man, divorces still occur and some families are "blended", "step", "mixed", or whatever you want to call it.  Some ideas for helping made a remarried family work with step-parents and step-siblings could be:
1.  As a step-parent, be a friend and assume parenting roles one at a time.  Don't take the SWAT approach, kick in the door, start laying down "the rules", and begin "The Reign of Bob" or whatever your name is.  There is respect, love, and understanding to be learned and earned between step-parents and step-siblings.  (refer to my parenting post for more information)
2.  Start your own traditions.  From my own personal experience, I remember fun family vacation trips to Disneyland, matching pajamas and silly string fights on Christmas, Mexican food Thanksgiving, game nights, and more with my family.  Those moments seem to be what connected my family the most and made us "one" with each other.
3.  Consider the kids.  When possible, be as respectful of each parent involved in the child's life.  Talk kindly about each other (especially in front of the kids, whether they're yours or not).  Also, don't put them in compromising situations where they have to choose between parents (especially before their teenage years).

There are many ripple effects and ramifications from divorce and remarriage.  If there are marital problems, it is always best to avoid divorce and work as hard as you can on making your marriage work.  Everyone will have weaknesses, faults, and things you "don't like" about them, but learning how to change one's self and become accepting of  your spouse's differences will help make a marriage last.  Humility, repentance, and forgiveness are key to a happy and successful marriage, and when implemented properly, will make any family work and last forever.

Week Eleven: Parenting

Now, considering I've yet to have a son or daughter of my own, I am no expert in this topic.  But despite my lack of personal experience in this field, research and class discussion has been helpful in formulating ideas and methods for parenting.  If you have good ideas as well, feel free to add your two cents or experiences to this post so I can learn more :)

First off, I want to put one of my opinions on what one of the purpose of parenting is.  I believe it is an amazing opportunity for gaining insights into God's life and to have God-like experiences.  To create life and then nurture, guide, council, and love your children is exactly what God does for us.  Also, the being a father or mother is something from which one is never released.  The amount of influence may change over time, but a father and a mother have those titles and responsibilities as their callings forever.

With that being said, I now want to look at some parenting purposes and techniques.  Hopefully these make sense...
Lets start with "responsibility".  Parents are responsible for helping their children become responsible, or response-able.  This is done by providing age appropriate choices that relate to the situations they are currently facing in life.  It is also informing and showing the natural consequences of their actions.  Children should learn as much as possible from natural occurring consequences to their actions instead of learning from consequences made up or inflicted by the parents.  Now, this isn't to say that a parent should neglectfully and knowingly let their 16 year old go to a party and drink thinking, "Once he's hammered and wakes up with a head ache not remembering what happened he'll know not to do it again," because that's the "natural consequence".  Parents also have the responsibility to help guide their children by informing them of the consequences that could happen from certain actions so they can make the wisest decisions.   This can be done by creating logical consequences as an alternative to letting the natural consequences happen.  Logical consequences are a simulation to what could happen "naturally" through experience that are related to the problem at hand.


Another element to being a successful parent is to help your children have their needs met through active parenting.  Basic needs of a child are:
1. Contact and Belonging: providing frequent and appropriate contact (hugs, kisses, hand on a shoulder, tickling, etc.) and creating a way for them to contribute to the family (because kids love to help)
2. Power: encourage responsibility, choices, and consequences
3. Protection: teach them how to be assertive and forgiving (this is most easily done by being assertive and forgiving as a parent).

There are more elements to active parenting, but I think this is a good start.