This can be a topic that hits close to the heart for some people. I personally come from a family where my parents are divorced and both have since remarried. In this post I want to not only give some of my personal thoughts and feelings about divorce and remarriage, but also a little bit of history and research information.
Prior to the late 1960s, divorces were very hard to have and were usually only given if there was a severe case of physical abuse, serious neglect, and in come cases of adultery. However, in 1968 a no-fault divorce act was passed which allowed a divorce to be given regardless of evidence or motives for the splitting of the marriage. There was a steep incline in divorces from the late 1960s to 1980s, but the rates have since leveled off, and in fact are showing some signs of decline. Some states are now offering what they call "covenant marriages" instead of a "regular contract marriage" that promotes greater commitment and makes a divorce more difficult to obtain. This may sound similar to a temple sealing/marriage, but their is one unique distinction. A state covenant marriage is a covenant and promise between husband and wife, or two people, whereas a temple marriage/sealing is both the husband and wife covenanting with God, or between man/woman and God, about their obligations to their spouse.
Now, even with covenants between man and man or God and man, divorces still occur and some families are "blended", "step", "mixed", or whatever you want to call it. Some ideas for helping made a remarried family work with step-parents and step-siblings could be:
1. As a step-parent, be a friend and assume parenting roles one at a time. Don't take the SWAT approach, kick in the door, start laying down "the rules", and begin "The Reign of Bob" or whatever your name is. There is respect, love, and understanding to be learned and earned between step-parents and step-siblings. (refer to my parenting post for more information)
2. Start your own traditions. From my own personal experience, I remember fun family vacation trips to Disneyland, matching pajamas and silly string fights on Christmas, Mexican food Thanksgiving, game nights, and more with my family. Those moments seem to be what connected my family the most and made us "one" with each other.
3. Consider the kids. When possible, be as respectful of each parent involved in the child's life. Talk kindly about each other (especially in front of the kids, whether they're yours or not). Also, don't put them in compromising situations where they have to choose between parents (especially before their teenage years).
There are many ripple effects and ramifications from divorce and remarriage. If there are marital problems, it is always best to avoid divorce and work as hard as you can on making your marriage work. Everyone will have weaknesses, faults, and things you "don't like" about them, but learning how to change one's self and become accepting of your spouse's differences will help make a marriage last. Humility, repentance, and forgiveness are key to a happy and successful marriage, and when implemented properly, will make any family work and last forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment