Week Five: Preparing for Marriage

Preparing for marriage should start with intentional, thoughtful dating.  Something called the "Know-Quo" is also a good way to help gauge how well you're getting to know someone while dating.  The "Know-Quo" goes like this:

1. Talk (mutual self-disclosure)

2. Time (research says about 3+ months is a good amount of time to really get to know someone)

3. Togetherness (variety of situations which simulate being married situations)

Here's a little fun fact that correlates "the three p's" describing men's responsibilities in marriage from The Family: A Proclamation to the World to three "p's" another General Authority used to describe how dating should be:

Dating               Marriage

Planned  --------  Preside

Paid for  --------   Provide

Paired off -------  Protect

Do you see any correlation between the lists?  I do.  Just another way to see that proper dating methods can lead to fulfilling proper and successful marriage responsibilities.  

Another good way to measure the health of a relationship is using something called R.A.M., which stands for Relationship Attachment Model.  Shown on a chart, these all have different levels (like 1-10) of how involved or "full" they are.  Here are the five topics and the level they should be at during a dating relationship:

1. Know (this should be highest level/importance) (ex. 10 out of 10)

2. Trust (should be the 2nd highest level)  (ex. 8 out of 10)

3. Rely (typically the 3rd highest level)  

4. Commit (the 4th highest level)

5. Touch (something personal that should be rated the lowest level out of the five)

*It's important to note that lower levels should rise to be equal with higher levels, but in a proper course of time and steps of the relationship.  

A big reason why cohabiting relationships do not seem to be helping people prepare for marriage is because the "levels" of these five topics are extremely unbalanced and skewed for them.  Research is showing that cohabitation is actually not a good way to prepare for marriage.  

Just to end this post, I believe marriage to be based on faith and work.  Where there's fear and doubt there can't be faith.  These are just some guidelines based on research that I wanted to share, but ultimately, in my opinion, it is a decision between two people and God as to how they should most properly prepare for marriage.  So when dating and preparing for marriage keep in mind the research, have faith, do what is right, and prepare for marriage.