This week we studied and discussed how events and experiences can shape family relations and influence the dynamics of the family system. It is important to know and understand what occurs to each family member during an event, specifically the stressful or life changing ones. Examples of these could be anywhere ranging from a child being diagnosed with an illness or going to college, to parents being divorced or substance abuse by a family member being discovered. These are more extreme events that may or may not happen to a family, but every family undergoes stressful, life changing challenges and experiences. Let's see what creates that experience for each individual member of the family using what we call the "ABC=X" model.
Actual Event
Behavioral Responses
+Cognitions (individual thoughts)
eXperience
I'll explain each of these. The Actual Event is usually about the same for everyone. An example could be that the dad of a family broke his leg at work falling off a ladder. The Behavioral Responses of each member of the family will be different though. Dad might not be as playful with the kids, mom could be stressed with pressure to find a job, and the kids will potentially try and help dad because he can't always do what he used to. The Cognitions of each family member will differ drastically. Dad probably has guilty thoughts of "how dumb of me to fall," or "What can I do to support my family through this?" Meanwhile, mom thinks something like, "Why wasn't my husband more careful? Does he realize that by being hurt I now have to find a job and help support us and watch the kids?" The kids however, depending on their age could think along the lines of, "Now daddy will be home with us more," or, "Maybe I'll have to start working too instead of going out with friends in order to help provide for us."
If we step back and look at each family members perspective we can see that the actual event appears to be relatively the same for all member of the family, but the behavioral responses and cognitions are drastically different. This is what creates each individuals Experience in a family event or crisis. A similar application of the ABC=X model could be used to understand happy and positive family events as well. It's important to note that just because the "event" might only be directly related to one member of the family, usually everyone in the family will be effected by it because of their individual experiences caused by it.
Being able to see the experiences of each family member (not just the event, but behaviors and cognitions of each person) will increase our understanding of each other and help us to keep our families as close as possible, especially while under stress.
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