14% your words
35% your tone
51% your non-verbal communication
This should cause one to become more intentional when communicating. When talking to our family, friends, co-workers, etc., we should pay close attention to not only what we are saying, but also how we're saying it, and what we're doing when we say it, because they could be receiving a very different message than the one we're intending to give if we aren't careful.
Another way to look at how to communicate in marriage is to "play poker with your cards down on the table". In other words, don't hide your feelings or thoughts creating a personal or hidden agenda for what should you want. Be open and honest.
Also, when communicating or trying to solve marital conflicts, try to avoid extreme statements or comparisons. An example of these that seems to be said between many couples, or even family member, is, "If you really loved me, then..." This does not give your spouse any benefit of the doubt in the situation, and quite frankly can easily be taken as an attack on their integrity and desire to love. Everyone is different. A better way to approach a difficult situation might be so simply ask for help. This requires some humility on each person's part for it to work, but it can give miraculous results. For example, if your spouse doesn't do the dishes, don't say, "If you really loved me then you'd do the dishes!" Simply ask, "Hey honey, I'm kind of busy doing something right now, can you help me by doing he dishes tonight? I'd really appreciate it." I think that 9 times out of 10 that will go over very well.
Lastly for this week I want to touch on the principle of power. There is great power in marriage. What I mean by this is that there are an infinite amount of ways to influence your spouse's thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Marriage is a great practice for aligning your will with someone else's. Sometimes you'll have to give into an idea and learn, but other times you'll have to lead with your idea and act first. This is great for learning how to align your will to God's. As both husband, wife, and Heavenly Father work at communicating and problem solving, their will be greater unity of idea and purpose.
Another way to look at how to communicate in marriage is to "play poker with your cards down on the table". In other words, don't hide your feelings or thoughts creating a personal or hidden agenda for what should you want. Be open and honest.
Also, when communicating or trying to solve marital conflicts, try to avoid extreme statements or comparisons. An example of these that seems to be said between many couples, or even family member, is, "If you really loved me, then..." This does not give your spouse any benefit of the doubt in the situation, and quite frankly can easily be taken as an attack on their integrity and desire to love. Everyone is different. A better way to approach a difficult situation might be so simply ask for help. This requires some humility on each person's part for it to work, but it can give miraculous results. For example, if your spouse doesn't do the dishes, don't say, "If you really loved me then you'd do the dishes!" Simply ask, "Hey honey, I'm kind of busy doing something right now, can you help me by doing he dishes tonight? I'd really appreciate it." I think that 9 times out of 10 that will go over very well.
Lastly for this week I want to touch on the principle of power. There is great power in marriage. What I mean by this is that there are an infinite amount of ways to influence your spouse's thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Marriage is a great practice for aligning your will with someone else's. Sometimes you'll have to give into an idea and learn, but other times you'll have to lead with your idea and act first. This is great for learning how to align your will to God's. As both husband, wife, and Heavenly Father work at communicating and problem solving, their will be greater unity of idea and purpose.
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