Week Seven: Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

So... I bet a lot of you aren't very open to the "sex" topic being discussed in public, but it is a very important part of marriage, which effects family life.  This being a Family Relations class, it's inevitable to discuss the topic.  I truly do not mean any disrespect to anyone with my comments, nor do I want to mistreat what I know to be a very personal and sacred topic.  Also, it is important for parents to know how to educate their children about sexual intimacy.  With all that being said, and knowing that it is nevertheless a taboo subject for some people (but one that must be mentioned), I'll keep this post a little more broad in order to respect not only the sacredness of the topic, but the comfort of you folks.  And I'll split this post up into two section with bold lettering in case you just want to read about one of the two topics.

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

First of all, I want to mention the sacredness of sexual intimacy.  The act in itself is not bad, or anything to be ashamed of, but should be reserved for and kept within marriage.  Adam and Eve were commanded to "multiply and replenish the earth", which we know is done through having sexual relations.  The sacred act of two people being so close with each other and God is something I do not wish to desecrate or downplay.  However, I do want to mention only a few of the facts and challenges to this aspect of the family life.  

I'll start by saying that along with the "typical" organs mentioned in "sex-ed." classes from middle and high school, the brain is also a very important organ in intercourse.  There is a release of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during intercourse, which is part of what makes it such a desirable act.  It creates happy feelings, a sense of well being, and even chemical bonding within the brain and body.  

Next, it is important for couples to know that typically women need safety to have sex, and men need sex to feel safety within a marriage.  It seems to be part of our mentalities and chemical make-up.  Some of the challenges that could arise with this, especially among recently married couples, are that of one's focus during intercourse, feelings of safety and security, the understanding of how each other's bodies respond, the frequency of sex, and being comfortable, even with oneself.  

In order to have healthy sexual intimacy as a married couple it needs to be a selfless act in which the husband and wife can grow closer together.  

Teaching Sexual Intimacy to Our Children

Now lets switch gears a little bit and talk about how parents can teach their children about sexual intimacy in comfortable, appropriate, and loving ways.  

Lets face it, this is a tough topic to talk about.  I'll just keep this short with two list, a list of "Do's" and a list of "Don't's".  Sound good?  Ok.

When approaching the subject of sexual intimacy, or being approached about the subject:

DO
1. Talk about it openly and appropriately
2. Make it relate to what they know
3. Approach the topic early in the child's life (the world will teach them sooner than you think)
4. Make it a reoccurring  conversation and topic to build upon
5. Keep it fun (as to avoid the "taboo-ness", but also remember that it's sacred)

DON'T

1. Shut down the topic

2. Let fear over-ride what should be said

3. Wait until someone else teaches them about it or rely on their messages (friends, school, the media, etc.)
4. Leave it to just one parent to discuss
5. Have just one conversation